Ride That Bike Like A Man

Growing up, my very best friend was my nephew, Cole. He was born eighteen months after me and we lived in the same area, so naturally, we spent much of our time together. Being as I was older, I would encourage him to come to my room and play Barbies, dress-up, or “house” with me. He always obliged that is until we began getting older. He sifted from being so happy to play these “girly” games with me and encouraged me to, instead, come play with his wrestling action figures, train set, or cars. That’s when I started to notice that we were different.

A few years later at his birthday party, Cole received a brand new bike for his birthday from his parents. He was so excited, so Cole and his dad immediately went to a parking lot down the road for him to ride. I walked with them and I was amazed at the comments his dad was making. Something like:

“Faster, faster. That’s a man’s bike. Ride it like a man.”

Cole eventually began riding so fast that he lost control of the bike and flew off, busting 2 of his front teeth. That’s when I began realizing how much pressure his father put on him to be the son he always wanted. He encouraged Cole to stop spending so much of his time with me and more time playing videogames and hanging out with male friends. When he started high school, Cole began getting involved in theatre by working on electrics. That wasn’t good enough for his dad. He wanted him to be the star of the football team, like he claims he was in high school. Cole ended up joining the team and then quit shortly afterwards because he hated it and was miserable. I remember his father calling him out in front of the whole family:

“My son’s a pansy. He quit after one week of football to hang out with the fags in the theatre department. Next thing I know he’ll come out as gay!”  

Cole has spoken to me several times about how he feels that he’s not good enough for his father. He’s failed him as a son because he doesn’t fit into his dad’s standards of what a man should be. This is all I thought about when we watched “The Mask You Live In” in class. I thought about how he must feel knowing that his dad doesn’t approve of his choices. Fathers should be encouraging their sons to be unique and caring and not to be emotionless and common.