You're What?

To assume: it makes an “ass” out of “u” and “me”.

Have you ever heard of this phrase? It works well to remember spelling, but this phrase holds so much truth. You can make a complete fool out of yourself by assuming. To believe a notion true, based on general, unproven observations will not get you very far in life. Yet we do it all the time. Has a stranger ever assumed you were from a certain place or acted a certain way? Or did they assume something central to your identity? Maybe your social class? Education level? What about your sexual identity? You probably haven’t noticed, especially if you are heterosexual. In the western world, a heterosexual identity is the cultural norm. Heteronormativity is defined as the “belief that people fall into distinct and complementary genders (male and female) with natural roles in life. It assumes heterosexuality is the only sexual orientation or only norm”. How many times did your instinct go straight to the opposite sex when a stranger talks of their partner at home? Have you ever been embarrassed when you were corrected; that you never even considered that they were not heterosexual?

Since this is the norm, we have created a construct to categorize those who need to break from this social norm. As Eve Sedgwick discussed in “The Epistemology of the Closet”, the labeling of “in the closet” as a result of heteronormativity systematically oppresses this minority. We created this subcategory to keep this norm of heterosexuality intact by sweeping homosexuals into a theoretical closet.

While hiding their identity, many individuals with participate in heterosexual passing, just as David Sedaris did in “I Like Boys”. When he went to the Greek summer camp, he was already starting to realize that his feelings did not match the other boys. He long to find a French girl to be his partner to dismiss any idea that he might be gay. He also began to ironically use the slur “faggot” with his bunkmate to fit in with the other boys and counselors. Sedaris tried to mold his identity to match heterosexuality. Just with many others, many individuals stuck in the closet will try to pass off as heterosexual to be accepted socially.

Passing is used as a mechanism for self-protection from negative feedback. But while avoiding negative consequences, denying your true self ultimately promotes self-loathing. This denial of one’s self is very detrimental. This “Don’t ask, Don’t tell” mentality oppresses this minority into staying inside the closet to pass. One should not be forced to hide a central part of their identity in order to survive in society. Deconstructing the idea of the closet and disbanding the process of passing will help decrease the limitations of sexuality. I hope with the growing LGBT+ Movement, people’s sexuality will begin to be less of a stigma they must hide in order to fit in.