Space, Influence, Control

     How much space we take up is, and always will be, something that is on so many people’s minds. 

It’s never positive either. We always wish we took up less space, or that we could appear to take up 

more and it always comes down to the same thing, “a need for control.” That is, as Kyle Lukoff puts 

it, “the commonest analysis of anorexics,” but also, in my opinion, one of the key features of 

humanity. It seems like one of the greatest fears that shows up subtly but underlines so many aspects 

of life is lack of control, or enough control. It’s not common to hear someone say they want less 

control over their life. To say that would almost be spitting in the face of anorexics, prisoners, 

students, and anyone else who struggles just to be able to make the simplest decisions for 

themselves. 

     But there is another side to space. There are some of us, myself included, who have been taught 

not only to embrace our size, but to use it. I have always been tall. Since elementary school I have 

consistently been one of the tallest kids in the room and that was only the beginning. Later on I 

started to put on weight and take up space outwardly as well as upwardly. But it’s not only physical 

size that comes into play. Once my voice dropped I had to become even more aware of my ‘size’ 

because now, I could not only be seen from anywhere, but I could also be heard from everywhere. 

Size and influence are so tightly bound that they can often be construed as the same thing. So 

whether it was a football coach, weightlifting partner, or a speaking group, I was taught to use my 

‘size’ to my advantage. In physical encounters the advantage is much more obvious but in speech I 

automatically have the ability to command the room since my voice resonates and travels so well. 

Add that to physical stature and you have one of the best examples of ‘sticking out like a sore thumb’ 

in terms of masculinity.

     Kyle Lukoff, as we read, has exactly the opposite problem. From the beginning he has always 

wanted to take up less space. Even as a little girl he “fled to traditional trappings of femininity” which

include not taking up space and being as modest as possible. So of course he would want to control 

how much he weighed by controlling his eating habits.

The Long and The Short of It

From a young age women are often told what society expects us to look like. They want us to be small among other things. On the other hand, men are ridiculed if they aren’t large enough.

This has been happening for centuries. It varies by culture, but many Western cultures view it the same way. For example, in the Victorian era many women wore corsets in order to appear small in stature. (It also restricted their movement.) Many women had bruised or broken ribs because they would tie it so tight. This obviously wasn’t something healthy, and it’s sad that women had to go to great lengths to feel “beautiful” according to society’s standards. That’s why eating disorders are very common in women and why Kyle Lukoff struggled in Taking Up Space. (He's an FTM who struggles with an eating disorder.)

As I mentioned earlier, the corset also restricted a woman’s movement. Today women will often wear pencil skirts and heels or tightly cinched dresses, making it much harder to move around. I think the reason why clothes tend to restrict a woman’s movement is because if she can’t move around as much she won’t be taking up so much space.

            Think about it. If you’re at a gathering and someone moves around the house a lot, you’re going to think that person is taking up a lot of space. You saw them over here earlier and now they’re over there. Even if that person only circulated a few spots, if they’re constantly moving it’s going to feel as if they’re taking up all of those spots. It’s similar to – if someone wants to look busy but doesn’t want to do actual work he/she can move around a lot and people will think that person has done a lot because they saw him/her in many places i.e. he/she took up a lot of space.

            This goes a step forward when it is applied to height. Women can’t be too tall and men can’t be too short. Very tall men are often praised for their height because that somehow makes them more “manly.” The view of weight/size is to be expected but height throws me a little over the edge. People can’t control their height; it’s genetics. Even though women aren’t supposed to be tall, they can’t be too short either. True, this may be because men are on average taller than women. However, it doesn't make much sense to ridicule people because of their genes. 

The woman is society sternly seeing if the girl is an appropriate height.

Society’s pressures are even worse on transgender people. How Lukoff acts – if he takes up more space or tries to be smaller – determines whether others perceive him as masculine or feminine. I can only imagine this being harder for someone transgender, which is enough of a struggle without the addition of an eating disorder.

            Of course, I wish society wasn’t this way. However, I don’t see a change happening anytime soon. Too many people are sucked into the pressures and can’t escape. People will always want a standard of beauty or masculinity – not all people, but a good portion of people. Despite this negativity we should fight these standards with the hope of a better future. 

            I mean, at least women don't have to wear corsets anymore.