Space, Influence, Control

     How much space we take up is, and always will be, something that is on so many people’s minds. 

It’s never positive either. We always wish we took up less space, or that we could appear to take up 

more and it always comes down to the same thing, “a need for control.” That is, as Kyle Lukoff puts 

it, “the commonest analysis of anorexics,” but also, in my opinion, one of the key features of 

humanity. It seems like one of the greatest fears that shows up subtly but underlines so many aspects 

of life is lack of control, or enough control. It’s not common to hear someone say they want less 

control over their life. To say that would almost be spitting in the face of anorexics, prisoners, 

students, and anyone else who struggles just to be able to make the simplest decisions for 

themselves. 

     But there is another side to space. There are some of us, myself included, who have been taught 

not only to embrace our size, but to use it. I have always been tall. Since elementary school I have 

consistently been one of the tallest kids in the room and that was only the beginning. Later on I 

started to put on weight and take up space outwardly as well as upwardly. But it’s not only physical 

size that comes into play. Once my voice dropped I had to become even more aware of my ‘size’ 

because now, I could not only be seen from anywhere, but I could also be heard from everywhere. 

Size and influence are so tightly bound that they can often be construed as the same thing. So 

whether it was a football coach, weightlifting partner, or a speaking group, I was taught to use my 

‘size’ to my advantage. In physical encounters the advantage is much more obvious but in speech I 

automatically have the ability to command the room since my voice resonates and travels so well. 

Add that to physical stature and you have one of the best examples of ‘sticking out like a sore thumb’ 

in terms of masculinity.

     Kyle Lukoff, as we read, has exactly the opposite problem. From the beginning he has always 

wanted to take up less space. Even as a little girl he “fled to traditional trappings of femininity” which

include not taking up space and being as modest as possible. So of course he would want to control 

how much he weighed by controlling his eating habits.

Go Cooking!

From a young age men and women are told they are supposed to act a certain way. They can’t do certain things even if it’s something they enjoy. David Sedaris enjoyed doing things that were typically seen as feminine. In order to blend in to society’s norms he had to pretend he enjoyed the typical “masculine” activities. In Go Carolina from Me Talk Pretty One Day he wrote, “Baking scones and cupcakes for the school janitors, watching Guiding Light with our mothers, collecting rose petals for use in a fragrant potpourri: anything worth doing turned out to be a girl thing. In order to enjoy ourselves, we learned to be duplicitous.” He was forced to live a double life so he could be a “normal” guy.

            Due to his mention of baking I’ve thought about how society views cooking in different ways. They think of baking as feminine while grilling is masculine. It’s not as if there’s some special skilled involved that makes one gender more suitable than the other. Women can learn grilling just as easily as men and vice versa.

            Contrary to popular belief, not all women know how to cook or bake. For example, people think I would be good in the kitchen and then I prove them completely wrong. It’s as if everyone thinks there’s some sort of intuition of baking that every girl was born with. In the South this idea is pushed even further. A stereotypical “Southern” woman knows how to make a casserole or has some famous dish she makes. All the guys know how to grill or make barbecue for cookouts (and love football; Sedaris didn’t but had to pretend he cared).

            I know that in my family these stereotypes do not exactly ring true. In my house my dad is the chef. He grew up watching his mom homemake almost all their meals and helped, too. Because of that, baking bread or a cake isn’t a hard task. He’s the one with the “famous” recipes.

            My mom, on the other hand, can hardly cooked when compared to my dad. We often joke about it, and I’m probably not giving her enough credit. She can cook a few things. However, my dad taught her almost everything she knows. His cooking was actually a part of what won her over.

            They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, but it works the other way around, too. If a guy enjoys baking or something else that’s typically “feminine” I say he should do it or if a girl would do something “masculine” nothing should hold her back. Don’t live a double life like David for fear of ridicule.