Is the American standard couple “normal”?

When asked to think of what a “normal” American standard couple consist of, the typical response is a husband and a wife, or a male and a female relationship. But have you ever stopped to think why we believe this is normal and a natural response? If you think about it, there’s nothing normal or natural about it. We construct what is normal by our own culture and standards that we set for ourselves. Media today has a major impact on how we construct this reality of the world around us and in doing so normalizes us to what our standards should be.

One thing that is typically prevalent in the majority of TV shows are some type of depiction of heterosexuality as the type of relationship a person should have. The main characters or couples of the show are a man and a woman in the relationship. Whenever there is a homosexual couple in a show, they tend to be shown as a problem that needs to be solved. This relationship is typically called out to be abnormal, because it does not blend in with the rest of the show content and have comments or actions directed towards this type of relationship that calls it into question.

Main characters of movies constructing our relationships as we know it in society

The reading of Silence reinforces this idea where the main characters who were involved with each other were always of the opposite sex such as the couples: Cador and Eufemie, Kind Evan and Queen Eufeme. However, the scene where the Queen attempted to seduce Silence and he rejected these advances, she called on the fact that he must be a queer to not want her. Due to this rejection, she attempted to have him punished and killed. This kind of comment of Silence being a queer brings attention that this kind of behavior is not natural or acceptable and that when one exhibits such characteristics, something must be done to fix it. This thirteenth century novel and the present media today still have similar cultural responses to the couples.

Even in the reading of Middlesex, although they are not the typical contemporary American relationships with the incest, all the main couples are heterosexual. For the one character, Sourmelina "Lina" Zizmo, who is presented to have secret lesbian activities, this “problem” is solved by sending her to America by marrying her off to a man, in order to curb these unwanted desires. Even here the non-heterosexual lifestyle is not accepted as normal, so it is considered evil, as it is depicted in many shows.

The normalized 'ideal" relationship: heterosexuality

Obviously, homosexuality is not something that has just presented itself in society recently, this has been a type of relationship since the beginning. But still, this is not something that is considered conventional or normal for the majority of people. Do people accept it? I believe so. But this does not mean these people consider it normal. It is not yet an integrated part of our reality as a whole. Granted, these standards are slowly changing by more and more roles with the different gender and sexual roles of the characters to follow today’s changing culture. However, will the family power couple “norm” ever change from all the years we have been taught about heterosexuality as the ideal standard? Perhaps, but only time will tell.

I'm What?

We as humans tend to get very uncomfortable unless we can identify a person by using a very broad label. Are you gay? Are you a lesbian? Are you bisexual? Pansexual? Transgender? By using these labels, you are giving expectations to a person who may not be able to live up to them. We can see this clearly in the Thirteenth Century French Romance Silence. Silence was born a girl in a time where being a girl meant you legally had no right to any property or money. She was not just any girl, but a girl of great beauty. She was so beautiful; the author describes Silence in a very sexual way. “And she makes the arms very straight, the hands small, the fingers long, the bosom well-turned, slender sides…” (1936-1938). The “she” being referred to in this quote is Nature. Nature acts as a kind of God-like figure who creates people in her own image. Because women have no rights, Silence parents thought it best for her to be raised as a boy. This puts Silence in another category that she or he would not understand why.

What makes Nature and Nurture interesting in this piece of literature, is their personification. She, Nature, created Silence as a beautiful girl. But being raised as a boy diminishes some of that beauty, which angers Nature. She believes that with all the beauty Silence possesses, he is wasting it by hunting, wrestling, and working outdoors. Nurture is enraged by this because she has raised him the way that would benefit him the most. Being a man gives him so many more rights than a woman would have.

Having this argument about what you “should be” or “should do,” can really scare and confuse a child. And confuse and scare it did. Silence is ashamed of what he is. He is afraid to undress and be discovered. Being discovered would not only put his life in jeopardy, but his parents as well. Silence is physically a girl, but does not know anything about “being a woman.” If we just get rid of all these silly gender standard, then maybe we would not have as many angry and sexually frustrated people!

These gender standards and expectations put a lot of pressure on young people today. I always here how a girl should act and be, and if I don’t comply, I am ostracized for being different. Being different is okay, and not complying to standards is okay. Everyone needs to just live their lives as their own, and let others do the same.