"Man
up!" "Suck it up!"
How
about, “what’s up?”
What’s
up with the standards that society places upon men and their masculinity? Why
must a man only "be a man" if he plays sports or is interested in
cars? Why is it looked upon as gay if a man wants to participate in theatrical productions or simply has no interest in sports?
We
live in a society that is becoming more progressive, no matter how slowly. Even
so, if a man does not express interest in sports, he is almost regarded as less
of a man or gay, through both the spoken and the unspoken word. Some are not “allowed”
to deeply enjoy reading, writing, or the arts of any kind. Most of the guy
friends I have now are in those very things, and they are some of the best
young men I know. After speaking with them about the topic, I learned they were
taught the many restrictions of being a man. From this small, completely
informal interview, I heard they grew up hearing the following things:
“If
you show emotion, show it correctly. Anger is good because it means dominance. Crying
is not; it shows weakness.”
“Grow
a pair and act like a man.”
“Don’t
be too expressive because that means you’re gay.”
“Keep
your appearance nicely groomed to show that your manly attractiveness exists,
but don’t spend too much time on it, because that means you’re gay.”
“If you have friendships with other men, don’t
open up too much. That means you’re gay.”
It
begs the question, what makes a man? What would be wrong with being a gay man? In
what we deem a “progressive society,” is being a true man seriously just physique
and constant emotional strength? Isn’t that the exact opposite of what we’re
trying to achieve? On the other end of the spectrum, while women are held to
unrealistic bodily expectations, it seems men are held to unrealistic emotional
expectations.
To be
honest, I didn’t know many of the male athletes in my high school, so I don’t
really have much to compare to. The guy friends I did have were in music, graphic
design, or theater and were some of the smartest and kindest young men I knew.
To hear then, and now, that they wouldn’t be regarded as true men simply because
they weren’t at all interested in sports hurts me. I am not a man, and if hearing
that hurts me, I know hearing it directed at them must hurt them in some way also.
It
isn’t healthy to not show emotions, to not take care of one’s physical
appearance, to not build deep and strong friendships and relationships with
others of the same or another gender. Although the friends who grew up hearing
such things have grown enough to understand that these things need to be
improved upon, that bottling up emotions is wrong, what they’ve been brought up
to do has still impacted them enough that it is difficult for them to express
exactly the things they need to in the first place. This, in turn, damages
relationships and promotes miscommunications, simply because the message wasn’t
conveyed efficiently.
Toxic
masculinity is so repressive that it seems to have been pushed under the rug.
After all, it’s addressing an issue that isn’t supposed to be addressed, right?
How dare any human being express any emotion that human beings are supposed to
feel! In setting up these expectations that have so many different ways of
being interpreted, it makes becoming “the perfect man” unattainable, nothing
more than a myth.
